Captain Red (venusian_eye) wrote in asexuals,
Captain Red
venusian_eye
asexuals

I guess a large part of my asexuality is the fact that I'm "pretty". For those of you who don't have that particular deformity, it might be difficult to understand, but I'll try to lay it out.
I didn't know I was good-looking until quite recently, when a sobbing acquaintance confessed that she was horribly jealous of me. I was like, wtf? But it sort of made sense, in its own twisted little way. Maybe this "deformity" is why most girls (I am a girl myself) immediately assume I'm stupid and unintelligent. They always have a very shocked and bitter expression on their faces when I use a word like "vituperative" or, my fave, "floccinaucinihilipilification". Oh, boys do it too, but being objectified by a fellow girl really bites. Everyone always says the same thing, you know. After they've known me for a while, they approach me and say, in a puzzled voice, "You're so nice." Apparently they automatically assumed I wasn't, based on my appearance.
I wear no makeup. "You're wearing heavy blush."
"... I'm not wearing blush."
"Well, you're wearing lipstick."
"I'm also not wearing any lipstick."
"Well, you're wearing eyeshadow."
"No."
"That's some serious mascara!"
"I *never* wear mascara."
And so on, and so forth. I'm tall. I have the body of an anime character girl. I have glossy hair. And I look like I'm wearing makeup when it's really just my skin color. This is the *reason* people give me when I ask them why they've been complete assholes to me.
So, what would my gut reaction to this be?
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE IS A REALLY !@#$%^ED UP EXCUSE FOR TREATING ME LIKE A B****. And then, of course, the general population of boys hit puberty. And then it was all, "Will you go out with me?" from complete strangers, and randomly being groped by both boys and girls, and being stalked by lesbians, and having every single boy I *know* tell me that they were friends with me while talking my friends' ears off about how their love for me burned like the fire of a thousand suns.

Oh, great. I'm "pretty". I'm an *especially valuable* sex object. Naturally, having a brain, I *hate* this. I have *always* hated whiny, "pretty" women who feed their egos and their careers by putting on makeup and prancing about like idiots in front of men. I have always *deeply* loathed females who use their looks to get their way.
Every subatomic particle of my body screams against being anything like that sort of scum. So, sort of like a reaction to that, I've always rejected sex. I really barely remember I'm a girl until someone points it out to me, so the behavior other people give me is often very confusing and irritating. To me (because it's happened so many times), being called pretty is an insult. It overlooks my brain; and my goal in life is not to be "pretty", it is to cultivate my intelligence. "Pretty" means they can only see me as just another sex object. "Pretty" means my brains don't count. "Pretty" means that when they think of me, they think of my body. Curse it. My intelligence is what I care about. I honestly wouldn't give a hoot if I got a disfiguring facial scar; in fact, I'd probably be relieved, because then I wouldn't have to be a sex object. People would *have* to value me only for my intellect. As it stands, I'm thinking of just starting to wear masks while I'm in public. Maybe it would force people to stop seeing me as a "sexy" thing, and start seeing me as a bloody *human being*.
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Not necessarily related to my own asexuality, but I totally, absolutely know what you mean about hating it when people tell you you're pretty. Not that I'm even especially attractive, but complete strangers telling me I'm pretty, as if I should care, really bothers me. I can't help but be offended by it, and people have a very difficult time understanding why.
You're assuming that sex has to objectify you. That's not true, that's just what many people turn it into. I think you're letting the people who objectify you win by denying yourself of a sexual identity because they see you as an object. You think that you're stopping them from hurting you by denying yourself as a sexual being, but, in reality, you're avoiding the pain they cause you by stifling your own sexuality. You want them to stop having control? Then don't base your ability to be a sexual person off of the desire to make them stop treating you so badly. Let yourself live as you would if they treated you properly. If it turns out that you actually are a naturally sexual person, you're doing a lot more damage to yourself than they ever would.

I just find it incredibly disturbing that our society treats women so badly that a person would be driven to feel this way, and to such a damaging extreme.
Many women go the opposite way, looking at promiscuity as power. Neither way is healthy, and neither will actually bring you power. Power comes from within.
Well you could always burn your face off with a blowtorch if it bothers you that much. I mean you'd still garner unwanted attention, but for an entirely different reason.
You should join antigender because your views tend to fit with the community, and I own it haha. Seriously I think you're right and can see why that would be annoying.

I fucking hate it when people judge you based on physical appearance anything. Even more so when they are doing it based on your sex, because thats really unfair to you as a human being.

Beauty is no disgrace.
What would the world be, if the flowers of the field hid themselves below the earth?
Intelligence counts for very little in the big picture. The gentlest creatures are sometimes quite dumb.
I understand your anger, and I feel it; but don't let the ignorance of others blind you to your own beauty.
This is the world that we live in, and it sucks. What we need is a pill that kills all sexual desire unless we want to have a kid.

Personally, I wish we had proper "seasons", like the rest of the animal kingdom. That only twice a year, say, would anyone even think about you "that" way. Twice a year, the boy doggies go goofy over her, but ... the rest of the time ... they see her as just another dog.

Sighs.

Well, it seems, your image needs to be changed if it bothers you so much. As I know, simple black-colored clothes looking quite asexual (and so eliminating unwanted attention). Also changing hair style may help (making a ponytail, cutting hair shortly or even fully). Though, it will be a hard choice of image what you want to see when staring at the mirror and practically convenient. Or a compromise between. Or maybe it's easier to train the mind not to react on those things seriously and think about how to rightly act in these situations?