I'm hoping I can find some answers here.

I'm 16, female. I've never done "anything" with anyone...I've kissed quite a few people, but it's never gone farther than that. I can appreciate when a female is beautiful, but never have I felt an attraction towards one. I sometimes, very rarely, feel a somewhat sexual attraction towards men, but I've never felt the urge to sleep with one, or anything of that "type" of activity.

I'm so confused about myself, I only discovered asexuality about a week ago, and I'm not sure if it fits me...also, I'm really scared as to what my friends will think if I tell them.

Maybe it's a health problem, there's something wrong with my hormones? Or is it that I am an asexual? Please help me out...anything is appreciated.
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goth Q

just joined

hi all!I am new to this community but not to asexuality as i have been asexual most of my life and felt asexual all of my life.

I am hoping to find other people here who i can identify with .i didnt realize how many asexuals were actualy out there in the world until i joined thease communities.its great to know im not alone because i have felt so alone most of my life with thease feelings.

I also feel androgynous even though i am a woman.internaly i am a person without gender

even though i am asexual i do enjoy some affection like kissing,hugging and cuddling.i am engaged to a paraplegic man(paralyzed from the waist down)so our relationship is asexual and i am compleatly in love with him as he is with me,so i defenetly belive that love and sex can be seperate and asexuals can be in relationships.

so thats the basiscs on me,i hope you all are well

Asexual Meetups in UK and Australia this Weekend!

Asexual meetup groups are springing up across the globe. This Saturday, February 7th there will be meetings in York and London (UK) and in Sydney, Australia.

For more info on these meetups and other future and potential meets up, check out the AVEN Meetup Mart.

Please also feel free to list any additional asexual meetups here, or if you wish to put out info for people to contact you over a potential meetup.


(no subject)

Last year, I broke my 2 and a half years of asexuality when I had sex with my girlfriend (who was also asexual)....about 6 months down the line and after deciding on an open relationship...i'm starting to feel extremely asexual again.

I don't regret doing it, no way in hell, it means that I have come to terms with various issues I had pertaining to abusive relationships and I feel more confident and comfortable with myself more than I ever have been.
It's strange though, many asexuals feel disgusted by sex. I am not disgusted by it atall...it's more of an apathy, I could stop doing it for years and it wouldn't bother me I coould carry on doing it for years and it wouldn't bother me.

It's not the fact that sex disgusts me that makes me feel asexual, there is a part of me that enjoys being sexless. I enjoy sexlessness, ugliness...I enjoy it when the general population can't find me sexually attractive, I enjoy being void of sex, my body being used only as a vessel to create art, be art, explore existentialism and all subjects pertaining to that. I enjoy knowing that only people interested in what I have to say will converse with me, rather than being conversed with purely for some guy to get into my pants.

I find that alot of people can't understand that, they seem obsessed with being "sexy", so sure that I must hate myself or have some deep psychological issues because I don't fit their cookie cutter "beautiful girl" template. They can't grasp that I would take romanticism over sexuality any day, they don't see that sex means nothing....and that the entwining of souls is what should be valued.

People are shallow...
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(no subject)

little pissed off now.
i have a crush on a boy. it's one of those harmless, i fancy this guy cos he's cute and i want to know him, curshes, with nothing about the, i want to bonk his brains out, cos of course, i don't.

my friend says, see where it goes, try and orgasm, they're fun

i tell her, no. im asexual, i have no interest in sex. i never want it. i think it's disgusting, to be honest. all teh sweating and thrusting and groaning. no. i just want to get to know him and be close to him and it's nothing to do with sex, it's just a childish crush thing.

and she comes back with, i think there's a deeper problem if you think sex is disgusting.


im sure that MOST people would actually think sex a little disgusting if they didn't enjoy it. i mean, having someone thrust their cock inside you until they come and leave their sperm behind. how can that NOT be seen as disgusting or just a bit gross? i think that people get so caught up in the pleasure aspect that they don't see it for how it really is (while im too caught up in the actual act process to even care abotu the pleasure that might be there)

so i told her to go to the aven website.
but it annoys me. i dont' appreciate people telling me theres something wrong with me because i don't view sex the way that they do. or to be told that because once or twice i have enjoyed a kiss and felt a little spark with someone, i therefore will want sex with the right person. OR that i just need to find the right persn and i will change my mind (yeah right. cos i will suddenly want sex and be all horny when the right guy comes along, despite having met plenty of guys i really like and want to be with and never felt that way about any of them)

just fucks me off. why can i not just have a chidlish crush on someone and want him to like me, and therefore worry that my clothes dont' scare him off (i can be scarey when goffed up) without being told that i will want sex with him one day and i have a problem when i say i won't.

why can't people just accept that some people feel differently abotu sex, want different things out of life that doesn't include sex, and that they KNOW their own mind and their own bodies wlel enough to know what they do and dont' want to do with it. why do other people always think that they know better?
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(no subject)

just wanted to rant really

my mum had a stroke. she's had one before, about 15 years ago, and this one really shook her up i think, she can't talk properly, her right arm is a bit fucked

anyway, i visit her in the hospital and she goes on about me wanting to meet someone. she has done it before, but this time it was more insistant. i know she just wants me to be happy, but i keep telling her that im ok as i am, single and with cats, that i don't like sharing with people, or dating or anything else. but she still goes on. she wants me to be ghappy and judges her idea of what that is by what made her happy, a husband. and i guess she doens't want me to be alone, and she's probably realising that she won't live forever

and it's upsetting me. i want her to be happy, i want her to feel safe that i am ok, but i can't lie to her, and i can't date some random guy or even, most guys, because of the asexuality issue. i do fear and worry abotu being alone, that if she died i'd have no one close to me to talk to, to do things with. i have friends but it's not teh same as your mum. and i think a partner is, in many ways, like a mum because they are close to you in that different sort of way.
and i worry and fear that she will be upset, that i am upsetting her, because im on my own

it's frustrating. i don't want to be alone, if she dies. i don't want her to be upset, fearing that i will be lonely, but at the same time, i can't just date some guy, or be with some guy, to not be alone. if mum dies, i will miss her, i will be lonely, a guy won't replace her. and i just dunno what to do or say to her, that i haven't already said, that will make her understand, i WILL be lonely without her, i WILL miss her, and a man won't change that and a man won't make me happy either. :(
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(no subject)

channel 4, in the uk, to film four real life, older men, who are virgins, having sex for the first time.

ok. fair enough. they're doing a season on virginity, but i wonder if they will talk to people who choose to remain virgins, asexuals, who don't care about sex.

and, i dunno. i feel kinda bad that they're making a big deal out of the age of this guy, that being 40 and a virgin is a huge deal. ok i guess most of society has had sex before that age, but does that mean he should be made the subject of extra attention like this just cos he hasn't?

(no subject)

I guess a large part of my asexuality is the fact that I'm "pretty". For those of you who don't have that particular deformity, it might be difficult to understand, but I'll try to lay it out. RantCollapse )

Oh, great. I'm "pretty". I'm an *especially valuable* sex object. Naturally, having a brain, I *hate* this. I have *always* hated whiny, "pretty" women who feed their egos and their careers by putting on makeup and prancing about like idiots in front of men. I have always *deeply* loathed females who use their looks to get their way.
Every subatomic particle of my body screams against being anything like that sort of scum. So, sort of like a reaction to that, I've always rejected sex. I really barely remember I'm a girl until someone points it out to me, so the behavior other people give me is often very confusing and irritating. To me (because it's happened so many times), being called pretty is an insult. It overlooks my brain; and my goal in life is not to be "pretty", it is to cultivate my intelligence. "Pretty" means they can only see me as just another sex object. "Pretty" means my brains don't count. "Pretty" means that when they think of me, they think of my body. Curse it. My intelligence is what I care about. I honestly wouldn't give a hoot if I got a disfiguring facial scar; in fact, I'd probably be relieved, because then I wouldn't have to be a sex object. People would *have* to value me only for my intellect. As it stands, I'm thinking of just starting to wear masks while I'm in public. Maybe it would force people to stop seeing me as a "sexy" thing, and start seeing me as a bloody *human being*.
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(no subject)

out last night. met three friends and thier partners. one has a wife, and two are enganged.
and it's depressing!
i dont' want to be married. i certainly don't want to be a pregnant wifey, like my friend's wife, but i still find it depressing. i guess because im seeing people doing the 'normal' thing, or at the veryleast, HAVING someone thing. and im there, on my own, AGAIN, not meeting anyone cos it's damn hard to meet someone who doesn't want sex

hell, i don't even really like dating that much, i hate kissing, but every now and then i want a guy who fancies me, who wants to be with JUST me, and hang out with me, someone i can fancy and have feelings for, because having those feelings always makes me feel more alive. i like crushes, i like having someone to think about, someone to want to impress and be around.

it conflicts with my feminist side, the whole, i shuldn't want to dress up and be nice to impress some guy, i should do it for me, but at the same time, i do try and look nice for me when i go out, but a part of me STILL does it to try and impress a guy, so i can have that crush, and so i can feel attractive. and i hate that. i hate feeling like society has still gotten to me, in taht respect, because i still feel that need to look nice to get a guy. even though i'd have nothing to do WITH that guy.

and felt even more depressed cos the best looking guy there last night spent the first half getting off with a not so good looking other guy. gayness is all nice and all (yum) but it just left me feeling, sigh. how nice to have that passion, that fun (they were pretty full on) and have someone you can share your sexuality with. while having no sexuality means you're pretty much on your own. i hate kissing, i also hate sweaty men (and one of the boys was VERy sweaty) and they were certainly kissing a lot. but i still wanted to have that.

ok so im rambling now, but basically, i feel all depressed cos my friends have partners, and lives and futures, and i feel like i can't have that because of the asexuality. and im jealous of cute gay boy and his sweaty friend for being able to have a sexuality that can BE something. they can be gay and open and proud and DO something with it, but asexuality by it's very nature is something that has nothing to be done with! i really don't want to spend my life alone. i really want to find someone that can make me feel alive, without any of the sex crap. and it's making me feeling crappy that i dont' think i will ever have that.
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(no subject)


someone in a community posted a thing about how they want to change british law so that if you have sex with a very drunk woman, you can be prosectued for rape. (it's about how, if she is drunk she cannot fully and consciously consent to sex, therefore it can be seen as rape.) personally i think this is a good idea because a lot of the time women who are drunk and raped have their cases dismissed because the alochol is seen as a negative thing for them, that is, they may have consented but were too drunk to remember, or their morals are weak for drinking so much so they deserve it. i think having this law will be a good thing because of that. (although there will be negative sides too. people crying rape for compensation, or out of regret and so on)

anyway, i said all of this, good and bad sides to this policy, and i also said how it may help people to think before they have wild drunk sex with strangers.

and some guy comes along and gets all superior about how we shouldnt force our morals onto other people, and how people can do wahtever they want, and bla bla it's wrong. and how i was picking on female morality (actually i was picking on male morality. i think that it might make men think twice abotu sleeping with women who are drunk and not fully aware of what is going on and perhaps end that awful social acceptance that you can loosen up a woman with alochol, as though it's ok to get her a bit tipsy and make your move cos then she will do something she wouldn't do sober)

anyway, my point is, i am SO pissed off that this guy thinks it is a BAD thing for people to have to think before they have drunken sex! he is so full of the rights of people to have sex with whoever they want, whenever they want, that he doesn't think having to think abotu it, having the risk that someone may cry rape on you the next day, if they are that drunk and can't think straight at the time, may actually be a good deteriant to people to, perhaps, NOT have drunk sex.

i find that totally amazing, that he is all full of how im forcing my morals on people, and how im denying his freedom of speech, simply because i think that a good side of this law will be that people have to think before they jump into bed.

oh my gosh, people might have to THINK about what they're doing before they have sex with people that they just met and are drunk with. what a HORRIBLE situation.

i just find it amazing. if more people thought before having sex with people they dont' know there might be fewer stds going around. i just can't believe someone thinks it is a bad thing for people to have to think about it. ok the law has flaws, but it has good points too, but ultiatmtely, he got snarky with me because i think that something that encourages people to think before they fuck is a good thing.